About a week ago, two of my friends who are also Not-a-Fortune contributors contacted me to say that The Simpsons episode in which Homer visits a Chinese restaurant, complains about the unimaginative fortunes, and then becomes a cookie insert writer was airing. This prompted me to divulge that I had never seen an episode of the longest-running American sitcom (also the longest-running American animated program and, as of 2009 when it surpassed Gunsmoke, the longest-running American primetime entertainment program). And as of this posting I still have not seen an episode, even episode four of season thirteen, "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love," in which one of Homer's actual fortunes ("You will find true love on Flag Day") makes its way to Mr. Burns and, presumably, hilarity ensues. Though my not having seen this episode is not for lack of trying. It was not available on youtube due to proprietary concerns (which is why you are not able to follow a link to view it here). Also, in case you're wondering, I have not seen any of the other episodes because my mother did not allow me to watch The Simpsons as a child. Something about language and that less-than-perfect kid Bart. In fact, when my best friend in the fourth grade gave me a perfectly good journal and stickers adorned with Lisa and Bart's faces, my sainted mother removed them from the house. Yes, readers, I have been deprived.
However, thanks to those who keep tv.com afloat, you have not. Here are some of Homer's fortunes (and not-a-fortunes):
"You will invent a humorous toilet lid."
"You will find true love on Flag Day."
"Your store is being robbed."
Thanks to UnScurvyGirl and Jonesy for alerting me to this pop culture reference of which I was unaware.