Friday, July 30, 2010

A Fortune Pregnant with Possibility

A friend of a friend is pregnant and due to deliver via Caesarian in two weeks. Yet take a gander at the fortune she received:

"The one you love is closer than you think."

Kinda makes you wonder...


*I have not been apprised as to the sex of the baby.

Friday, July 23, 2010

A Fortunate Engagement

When you read the title to this post perhaps you thought you would be reading another post about someone who proposed using a fortune cookie insert, as this person did. You will not. You will be reading about something much, much more exciting. (Although I'm sure that was exciting for them. And congratulations and all that.) This post has to do with my Audriella and her former boyfriend Mr. Jones, whose last Not-a-Fortune appearance took place following their trip to the Woolly Mammoth Theatre. 

Did you notice how I referred to Mr. Jones as Audriella's former boyfriend? That's because he's now her fiancĂ©! That's right, readers, last weekend Mr. Jones made the best decision of his life and proposed to my Audriella. She, in turn, made the best decision of hers by accepting. They are to be married next year.

To (re)acquaint yourself with the future Mr. and Mrs. Audriella Jones, revisit my post chronicling my recent visit to Washington, D.C. In the meantime, please join me in congratulating the happy couple on their engagement. 
I know they will enjoy a life filled with laughter, love, and light.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mothers & Moving

Anyone who knows my mother in a non-virtual sense knows that she is one of the most caring, most supportive mothers a girl could hope to have. (My father is equally caring and supportive, but this post isn't about him.) I've been frazzled for a couple of weeks now because I am moving. I'm not moving far, mind you- I'll still be in Austin, thankyouverymuch, I'll just be approximately ten miles away from where I am now. My mother generously took time off of work today and came to help me finish packing since the movers arrive tomorrow. What did she bring with her? Two not-a-fortunes she and my father received last weekend after dining at our favorite Chinese restaurant in San Antonio, Hung Fong. She's the best, I tell you.

My father's not-a-fortune read, "Loser's visualize the penalties of failure. Winners visualize the rewards of success." [I did not add that grammatically incorrect apostrophe; that was already included for our reading pleasure.]

My mother's not-a-fortune read, "Your candid approach is refreshing," which is hilarious, as I inherited my no-bullshit approach to life from her.

While packing up my belongings today, we enjoyed a lunchtime meal from Austin's Bamboo Asian Grille, one of my regular choices for Vietnamese dining (they also serve Chinese dishes). Both of our fortune cookies revealed not-a-fortunes today, too. 

Mine: "To exercise the body is to purify the soul."
(While going for a run in my soon-to-be-new neighborhood sounds appealing, I think all the heavy lifting from moving boxes is enough exercise for now.)

Hers: "Life is not a problem to be solved but rather a mystery to be lived."
(After she read this not-a-fortune aloud, I jokingly commented, "Huh. Maybe I should stop trying to solve my life." She laughed. I won't tell you her response, not because it was inappropriate or embarrassing but rather because I can't remember it.)

And after more packing, relatively few fights with the packing tape dispenser, some laughter at an unfortunate incident involving a box, two quilts, my arm, and a cameraphone, my mother went home. But not before planning to return this weekend and help finish packing and cleaning my apartment. Did I mention she's the best?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Thanks for Sharing, Friends

This month has been (and continues to be) ridiculously busy for me. August promises an even crazier schedule. I have a backlog of fortune cookie-related post materials, but unfortunately I lack the necessary time to research and write them right now. Look forward to upcoming posts on Lone Star beer bottle caps (I really will get to that, I swear!) and - I don't think you're ready for this - taco-shaped Mexican fortune cookies. In the meantime, a big thank you to my friends who have shared these gems with me over the past week or two:

"Keep your goals away from the trolls."

UnScurvyGirl sent me the link to this not-a-fortune, labeled a "Fortune Win" by Fail Blog (tagline: "Helping you feel better about yourself every day").

Her husband, Mr. Fabulous, sent me the link to this not-a-fortune, which someone actually received:
"On the right track, means need to run even faster, or got run over."
(Follow the link above and read the comments for a good laugh. Well...a laugh. Or an eye roll.)

My friends Myrtle and Blonde Birdie enjoyed some Chinese takeout a couple of nights ago, after which Myrtle opened her fortune cookie only to find "the most despondent not-a-fortune I have ever gotten":
"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

Blonde Birdie's actual fortune, though, was much more promising:
"People will find it difficult to resist your propositions."
(I propose you click on the link above and visit her website. She has fun, fabulous goodies for sale and I'm sure you will find something you'll love. And in case you're wondering, I know the words propose and proposition aren't synonyms. But they're close enough. And I'm tired. Just visit her website. And buy something. You know you want to.)

After my last post about snarky fortune cookies, a colleague of mine shared these goodies with me, from the Archie McPhee Seattle photostream on flickr:

As the caption describes, each cookie contains one of hundreds of different "whimsical fortune[s]." Examples include: "Your lost button will end up in somebody's cupcake" and "On the eighteenth day of every month, a flower will grow where you step."

Have you read my friend Abbey's blog, 3 Kids and a Cocktail? You really should. It's hilarious. She's hilarious. I could tell you all about her and her kids and her husband who's in the military and deployed for the twelfth time in nine years (clearly I'm exaggerating, but not by much), but then you wouldn't have as much of a reason to visit her blog. And you should visit it. Here are some of their recent cookie inserts, which are spot-on, if I do say so myself.

"It is much wiser to take advice than to give it." (Received by LP, 5 yrs old)
"It is much easier to be critical than to be correct." (Received by DP, 7 yrs old)
"It's fun being a kid." (Received by AP, 11 yrs old)

And Abbey's own not-a-fortune:
"You don't get in life what you want; you get in life what you are," which prompted her to comment, "Touche, world. Tou-che."

And finally, I'll end this post with a not-a-fortune (two, actually) and an interesting observation from G, who recently dined at San Antonio's Wok on Wheels. Do you notice anything unusual about the cookie inserts in this photo, both of which come from the same dining establishment?

"Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues."
"People who are late are often happier than those who have to wait for them."

Did I say I was going to end with G's observation? I lied. I'm letting you guess what it is by asking you to identify what it is that's unusual about the inserts pictured above. :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Cookie Misfortune

After yesterday's not-a-fortune that got us all contemplating what love is, it's time for some humor, courtesy of one of my colleagues who pointed me to these "cookies that hate you."

"You will die alone and poorly dressed."

As the Think Geek website explains, these Cookie Misfortune Evil Fortune Cookies look and taste like traditional fortune cookies, which makes them easy to swap out without arousing suspicion. The difference? Each cookie contains a fortune (I cannot confirm whether all of the cookies contain actual fortunes) that is either mean, evil, funny, or depressing. More information can be found here.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


My friend JR emailed me today: "So I got this not-a-fortune. And I hate it."

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."

I agree with her that this does not qualify as a fortune. I also don't like it all that much.

Both of us would like your input, though. What do you think?

Friday, July 9, 2010

One out of Three Isn't Bad

Last night Bea Dazzler, UnScurvyGirl, and I enjoyed some takeout followed by fortune cookies. It had been quite some time since I had received a fortune cookie. While my cookie insert (located on the top in the photo above) was interesting, it was not a fortune:
"Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go!"

Bea Dazzler's not-a-fortune is really more of an adage:
"The secret of vast riches begins with a single penny."
However, this cookie insert includes her lucky number, which allows her to take it to heart.
[Note: you may recall from my Dog-Friendly Fortune Cookie post that one of the canine loves of my life is The Penny. When Bea Dazzler added "in bed" to the end of her not-a-fortune, this caused me to respond with "My Penny?!?"

Not feeling like choosing her own fortune cookie, UnScurvyGirl wanted me to toss her one. Believing that you should choose your own fortune (or not-a-fortune), I tossed the cookies (no pun intended) onto the table. She selected the cookie she felt was pointing at her. And she's the only one who received an actual fortune:
"The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly!"

One out of three isn't bad.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Origins of the Fortune Cookie?

Check out this post on the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History's blog about the origins of the fortune cookie. 

The post is based on a visit by Jennifer 8. Lee, author of The Fortune Cookie Chronicles. You can read a review of the book here.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

(Not-a-)Fortune-Adorned Gift

"Your ability to trust fuels your ability to love."

My tweep @amydaugustine received this "fortune-adorned gift," and tweeted me this photo. Isn't it adorable? (I did tweet back and note that it's a not-a-fortune-adorned gift.) 
What a clever idea!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Friendly Contributions

"Love is the only medicine for a broken heart."

Upon receiving this not-a-fortune, my friend boogrock commented, "Really?!? I was sure it was Vicodin! Guess I was wrong!"

Another friend and loyal reader, Jess, received a half-a-fortune on a recent visit to Godai Sushi Bar in San Antonio, Texas. She opened her cookie and found half of the insert. The remaining first line read, "ear will be," followed by a second line of "lled with happiness." I think this could have been an actual fortune that read "Your year will be filled with happiness," but we'll never know for sure.

Jess's dinner companion received an informational not-a-fortune: "El capital de California es Sacremento." Thanks for the geography (and Spanish) lesson, Godai.

I've blogged about food-related cookie inserts before and Jaclyn's not-a-fortune certainly fits in that category:
"Follow your Dreams, first start with spring rolls."
(Actually, there are days when I dream about my friend Colleen's spring rolls, but that is neither here nor there.)

Mr. Fabulous sent me a link to this not-a-fortune, which he deemed "odd":

"Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair."
(I find the entire website from which this not-a-fortune came good for a laugh. Check it out.)

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks to my friends and readers for your continued contributions. Keep an eye out for my upcoming post on Lone Star beer bottle caps. They have little sayings on them, much like the Magic Hat bottle caps I've blogged about here and here.